How to approach the silly season when you’re not feeling that silly!
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Christmas time! It’s supposed to be one of the happiest times of the year, and for many it is.
But for many others, it’s not. In fact, it can be one of the hardest times.
If the Christmas time is hard for you (whether you have a mood disorder or not!), know that you’re not alone, and what you’re going through makes sense..and that there is a way to survive the silly season.
Or, if you just LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas, and can’t understand why others don’t, hopefully we can remind you of some of the common stressors people have to manage and this is sometimes ON TOP of a mood disorder.
Am I silly for not feeling silly?
Umm, of course not!
There are lots of reasons why the holiday period can exacerbate low moods and stress. Sometimes extra pressures can cause overwhelm, and sometimes certain situations trigger unprocessed emotions.
Here are some common bumps in the road to holiday happiness, and some very doable tips to get around them:
Work Pressures
There can often be an exaggerated pressure from work at this time of year as project timelines and due-dates are demanding attention before your holiday leave starts!
Tips:
Pace yourself, write out a to-do-list and tackle one thing at a time
Take breaks - this one can be hard, because anxiety likes to make us feel trapped, as if we can’t do anything else until the task at hand is complete! But this is not true! In fact, taking breaks (lunch, tea, meditation, exercise, socialising) can actually help us reset the brain (chemically!) to help us think clearer and work more efficiently.
The hardest tip of all - ask for help!
Financial Pressures and Expectations
Christmas isn’t cheap. Presents. Extra food. Extra drinks. Extra travel. When you’re already struggling financially this can put a major dent in your sanity.
Tips:
Make home-made gifts
Make gift vouchers offering your time and service, e.g. “1 x free car clean”. The gift of helping others activates positive neural circuits to help you feel better
Talk with your family about perhaps doing a “Secret Santa” or just valuing time instead of gifts. Spending time with loved ones releases the hormone oxytocin which helps you to feel connected with others and that hormone then activates the painkiller, dopamine and serotonin circuits which all help to kick-start the happy feelings!
Pace your drinking
Eat at home before going out
Book flights early
Drive savvy e.g. car-pooling can be a great way to save on fuel AND spend quality time with loved ones – make an event out of it!
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Are things all feeling a wee bit forced??
Memories
Christmas can trigger memories and emotions that you might not be equipped to deal with, especially traumatic events of the past, or the loss of loved ones.
Tips:
Work with a psychologist leading up to, and after the silly season
Prepare yourself and respect your limits – everyone has a threshold
Try to look upon the memories of loved ones fondly, and know they’d want you to be having a good time. Looking at happy memories can trigger positive neural circuits in your brain that can help to make you feel better. This then also distracts you from thinking about negative events!
Connect with support groups and share these memories
Relationships
You might already have a sensitive relationship with some family members. Christmas can heighten the sensitivity for numerous reasons.
You may be obliged to spend time with people you haven’t quite figured out how to blend well with yet. Often there’s years of unconscious emotional triggers. Throw in excess alcohol, guilt and ego (not to mention tiredness and stress!), now you’ve got a potential tornado building.
Tips:
Work with a psychologist/psychotherapist, either individually or with the people you want to improve relations
Practice mindfulness – be aware of when you’re getting upset, and take a step back to think about why this may be
Try on a smile - it's amazing how our own bodies and other people respond
Know your limits and remember it’s OK to be vulnerable. If you need a break or to leave, that’s OK!
Remember you are doing the best you can at any one time (and so are others)
Comparisons
Low mood and self-doubt can be exacerbated when you see other people super happy when you’re not.
Tips:
Limit time on social media
Understand your mental health and moods – our own brains can be pretty mean, they can tell us lies and direct our attention to the negatives. Thank it for its opinion and carry-on with what you know is actually best for you
Practice gratitude instead, and show appreciation for things you DO have
Try jumping on-board with other peoples’ happiness – see where it takes you!
Guilt…and all those other horrible emotions
Sometimes mood gets worse as we feel guilty for our already low mood. It’s easy to feel like a burden when spending time with others.
Tips:
Just show up. It doesn’t matter how long you stay but give it a go. Know that they wouldn’t invite you if they didn’t want you there
Whether you are a burden or not, is not your decision, it’s theirs. Either way, they love you and people always want to help
Offer to help where you can – it will activate numerous positive neural circuits to help you feel better and also offer a distraction!
Try to talk about some positive things to help activate more facilitative neural circuits too
Preparation: How to Build your Silly Armour
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Let’s imagine a suit of armour. And you can make it out of tinsel and stars if you like, or you can imagine a hardcore metal suit.
The armour is to protect you from your mental health declining, help you from feeling helplessly silly and give you a taste of joyful, care-free silly-ness.
In case it’s not obvious, the suit of armour is metaphorical, and also magical. It gets extra magic points when it senses strong actions of protection, such as:
Exercise
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Keep up your exercise routine (or get into one). Exercise provides our armour the strength of diamonds by stimulating various hormones and chemicals (such as serotonin, dopamine and endorphins) which make our armour super resistant.
Every minute you’re active instead of sitting on the couch will be having a positive effect. Even if it doesn’t feel like the exercise is working, it’ll be causing loads of unnoticed brain changes – modifying circuits, releasing positive neurochemicals, reducing stress hormones and providing pain and anxiety relief. So stop asking yourself whether it’s working yet, just get absorbed in the activity and give it time.
Just do what you can, as often as you can.
Foooood!!!
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This one’s a little trickier with Christmas and New Year’s parties all over the place, but it’s not impossible. There’s two main things here to consider:
Enjoy some party food, guilt free! You deserve it. Not every meal has to be perfect!
Just be sure to fall back into your typical routine of eating healthy nutritious meals that fertilise your brain and body, when you’re not out shaking your little tail feather
Self-care Plan
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Have a self-care plan. Know the activities that relax you and restore you, as well activities that drain you.
Place time and frequency limits on the activities that drain you. Even if that means less time with certain people. To make it through the season, you need not have your energy drained.
Being self-aware and having boundaries is essential!
Prioritise and make time for the things that you value. Make sure you partake in plenty of relaxing and restorative activities. Whether it’s reading a book, getting outdoors or even singing your favourite Christmas carols (everybody has their thing, right!?). Anything that makes YOU feel like your best self!
Gratitude Practice
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Our brains are hard wired to focus on the negative. We need to focus on the negative in order to avoid it. But ironically, focusing on the negative brings us closer to the darkness. The best way to fight darkness is light.
Bring attention to the positive things in your life that you are thankful for, no matter how small or silly they may seem. Try to think a few things each day. This essentially trains your brain circuitry to automatically see more good and more often, which will ultimately help you to feel better!
Time-Management and Organisation
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There can be so much to do around Christmas! More shopping and cooking, let alone the usual appointments around work, health or hobbies.
Take some time to schedule it all in your calendar, making sure there’s rest time in there too! Remember to delegate where necessary, you don’t have to do everything yourself.
Communicate
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I really don’t need to say much more here, we know this…
People are mostly focused on their own issues so giving people a prod every now and again to remind them of what you need is OK.
If you’re struggling, let people know.
If people can help, let them know how.
Most of us spend the year being a bit robotic, trudging from day-to-day, making things happen at an alarming and very efficient rate.
It’s important to remember that we all need a break – our brains (just as much as our bodies), need a rest every now and then…and that includes taking a break from all the really good things that we do every day to stay healthy.
This is a time of year to reset so, suit-up, reduce the stress, and most importantly, give yourself some slack – you deserve it!
I hope you all have a festively Merry Christmas. Build your armour today and just enjoy being you!
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Where to get help:
The Mental Health Foundation's free Resource and Information Service (09 623 4812) will refer callers to some of the helplines below:
Lifeline (open 24/7) - 0800 543 354
Depression Helpline (open 24/7) - 0800 111 757
Healthline (open 24/7) - 0800 611 116
Samaritans (open 24/7) - 0800 726 666
Suicide Crisis Helpline (open 24/7) - 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO). This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
Youthline (open 24/7) - 0800 376 633. You can also text 234 for free between 8am and midnight, or email talk@youthline.co.nz
0800 WHATSUP children's helpline - phone 0800 9428 787 between 1pm and 10pm on weekdays and from 3pm to 10pm on weekends. Online chat is available from 7pm to 10pm every day at www.whatsup.co.nz.
Kidsline (open 24/7) - 0800 543 754. This service is for children aged 5 to 18. Those who ring between 4pm and 9pm on weekdays will speak to a Kidsline buddy. These are specially trained teenage telephone counsellors.
Your local Rural Support Trust - 0800 787 254 (0800 RURAL HELP)
Alcohol Drug Helpline (open 24/7) - 0800 787 797. You can also text 8691 for free.